Shakin' Things Up

Christmas is a time to reflect on how God has shaken up your life in order to get you to move. Mary’s life was shaken up when she accepted to be the human bearer of Christ in our world, when she accepted she didn’t have much of an idea of what she was getting into but knew it was what needed to be done. When she was carrying Christ in her womb, Mary did not demand that everyone wait on her because she was carrying the Son of God but rather she was moved to go out and serve her cousin Elizabeth.

Whatever You’re Doing by Sanctus Real

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Mary fully surrendered to God, allowing Him to shake up every fiber of her being. And because of Mary’s ultimate surrender of her life to God, she was able to move in extraordinary ways to accomplish great things. I love how Sanctus Real puts it “there’s a wave crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender”. That is how God is, this huge wave of love and mercy and all we are able to do is surrender to it and let the wave move us as it pleases, knowing not where we may end up but that wherever we land and whatever happens it is for the best. So, what is God doing to shake you up and how is He asking you to move in your own life?

Ramblings of a College Student

As the semester is drawing to a close, I have been trying to dedicate time to reflecting on it, how it went, how I’ve grown, and ways I still need to grow and develop and so on.

This semester was very busy for me, which lead to times of spiritual, physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. However, it was because of this busyness that I was forced to evaluate my priorities in life, something I had been putting off for awhile now. I had to decide whether it was more important for me to go to Pasta and Prayer or study for my test the following day, or should I have a good, much needed talk with a friend instead of catching up on sleep I’ve been missing. Decisions like these are difficult to make, because both options are good and appealing. One is not necessarily better than the other, but most likely one leads to fulfilling God’s will and the other to fulfilling my own. It was definitely challenging at times to discern which path was God’s will and which was my own, but I persevered through the wrong decisions and enjoyed the correct ones, and all in all it was a really good semester.

Upon further reflection, I started to develop a list of things that I’ve learned or will take away from this semester and that list is what I am going to share with you all today. This list is by no means complete; as there are probably many things I have learned or will take with me from the semester that I could not call to mind while writing this.

• You are never alone, no matter how distant you may feel from God or everyone in your life

• Saying you believe/will do something is completely different than actually believing/doing it.

• Love is not always easy and full of good feelings, but if it is real it must hurt maybe not right now but eventually it will

• Admitting that you have failed, need help, don’t have all the answers is actually a sign of strength and not of weakness

• It is important to find out and stick to what is right and good for me, for what may be right for someone else could be totally wrong for me.

• It is more important to be who God made me to be than to be what people what or expect me to be, no matter how difficult or challenging it may be to find out who that is and then to live out my life as that person.

• To be happy with my life as it is and not wish that it was different, for each person, struggle, and situation that is involved in my life was placed there by God with a purpose.

• Our Mother Mary can teach us all so much, if only we strive to get to know her better and let her reveal herself to us.

All in all, it was a wonderful semester full of ups and downs, and crazy turns. I got to experience many new “firsts”, develop relationships with people I barely knew, and take on various leadership positions. Though I enjoyed this time spent at the Rock, I am sure glad that break is upon us now.

Not Just a School

Teacher. One simple word, it has many different meanings for each person and also paints many scenes in one’s head. They are people who have impacted lives, many times in ways they know not of.

Today I visited my high school and something really hit me and I’m not sure why, quite yet. Two of my friends and I went to mass at the cathedral and then headed over to Rosati for refreshments and then to wander the building. After eating some cookies we headed out to roam the hallways, reminiscing about our past. We ended up wandering the halls for a good hour and a half, chatting it up with some of our old teachers and peers. It always is quite a joy to be back, see the new girls and teachers, and to catch up with friends and faculty.

There is one particular moment of our visit today that really had an impact on me. One of the first teachers we stopped to talk with was Mrs. Everson. While at Rosati I had Mrs. Everson for World Religions, Vocations, and Women of Faith during my senior year. Outside of class I never spent much unscheduled time in her room with my friends, so I didn’t ever get to know her as more than a teacher. So today my friends and I walked into her room and sat down in some desks towards the back of the room, and when Mrs. Everson was done talking with a girl and her grandmother she came over and sat down with us. We talked as if we were the best of friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while, just having a conversation about our lives.

Reflecting back on earlier today, I think what made this one conversation stick out from the others was its genuineness. Everson took fifteen minutes out of her day to sit down and really see how things are going in our lives. She truly listened to us, encouraged us along the paths we have all chosen, and offered us her motherly advice. The way she was so selfless with her time, chatting with us when she had a lot of other things that could have been done, and truly cared for how we were doing really touched me. Upon leaving her room a desire filled my heart, a desire to live a life that would touch others as Everson so gently had touched mine. So gently that you don’t even realize they had a hand on you until you leave them and come back into their welcoming, loving embrace.

I don’t know how God is calling me to fulfill this desire tomorrow, let alone five years down the road. But I do believe that this revelation of sorts, the uncovering of this desire, had brought me one step closer to where God has been leading me the past year or so.

You've been remade!

So often we hear these words, or words similar to them. They are full of hope and encouragement. We who were once slaves to sin have been set free and made anew in Christ because of His love for us. Pretty awesome! We know these words are true in our heads, but what really challenges myself and others is knowing that these words are true in your heart.

Knowing that these words are true in your heart requires not just knowledge and faith, but also total surrender. You have to surrender your feelings of inadequacy, guilt and shame to Christ, who died so you wouldn’t have to carry these burdens. You can no longer use your past sinfulness as an excuse or reason as to why you are how you are. Your sins don’t shape you, they alter the path that God laid before you. What you do on that new path is up to you. You should use your past failings as stepping stones to a better you instead of stumbling blocks to better relationships with God, yourself and others.

So often people see their lives as defined by what they’ve done and how far they’ve fallen or strayed. When in reality these things don’t define who you are, but are markers of the path you have taken to get where you are today. Everyone’s life is filled with a past history of running from God and giving into temptation. You can either use this to draw closer to God through His merciful and forgiving love or you can use it as an excuse as to why you aren’t good enough, deserving enough, or worthy to be loved by God. You can accept the fact that you have been remade through Christ’s love for you, or you can reject that. It’s up to you.

No matter what you choose God will continue to love you. It is up to you to accept His love, He will not force it upon you. In accepting God’s love and the fact that you have been remade, you are agreeing to not define your life by your past failings. You are giving God you guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy because if you have truly been remade than your past is no longer a part of you. And thus you cannot define your life by your sins; you can merely accept the fact that you have ended up where you are because of past decisions, and then move forward, closer to God, from there.

This is definitely a hard road to walk on. One I frequently struggle with. It is so easy to fall into the trap that you are not good enough. But YOU ARE!! Christ had nails driven into his hands and feet, a crown of thorns trusted onto his head, his back beaten, and his side cut open to make you believe that you are good enough. Will you accept that?

Do you accept in your heart that you have been remade anew through Christ’s love for you? Does your past sinfulness define who you are? Have you fully surrendered your guilt, shame and inadequacies to God? What is holding you back from doing so? Have you grown accustomed to and comfortable with the guilt and shame of your past?

You don’t have to be, for Christ died so that we might have new life. Live it!

Building Block of Life

Trust. It is one of the most fundamental elements in any relationship, whether that be with an employer, a close friend, mother, God, anyone. Trust is so easily broken, and very carefully built over a period of time. Trusting someone means that you place yourself, your most intimate thoughts, the depths of your soul within their hands knowing that they will comfort you, guide you, protect you. You believe whole heartedly that they have your best interest in mind, and thus will not hurt you in any way.

Trust is such a delicate and intimate part of life. It is so fragile, one wrong step and it can be taken away or reduced significantly. But if it is still present, it is the foundation for which a deeply personal relationship can form. Trust takes time to learn, for it is only with experience that one can decide who to trust with much and who to trust with little. It is only by being hurt, having your trust broken, that one can develop a clearer understanding of trust and all that small word brings along with it.

Recently, God has been pointing out to me that trust is something that I still need to develop more fully in all of my relationships, including my relationship with Him. I am not too sure why, but for as long as I can remember I have been reluctant in sharing personal thoughts, happenings, struggles, and failures with those around me, no matter how close a confidant I consider them. To me, some things just seem so personal and deep that if I shared them with someone I would feel completely exposed and I guess that is what scares me the most. When exposing the most intimate parts of my life with someone I am unsure of how they will react towards me and I fear that I will be hurt in some way. Currently, I am working on developing a deeper sense of trust with those close to me because I know that those around me are wonderful resources, guides, comforters and just people who will listen when that is what is needed. It is a nerve-wracking road that is for sure, but one that I know will lead to deeper relationships that are more balanced, which is something I long for because I feel that all too many of my relationships our heavily weighted on the other person due to my lack of openness and sharing.

I want to leave you with a quote that I found somewhere that I cannot remember at the moment. Here it goes: “God sees that you do not honor Him sufficiently with holy trust. Trust in Him and you will have the fulfillment of what your heart desires.” Peace to you on this journey.

A Day full of Mom

First off, I want to wish everyone a Happy Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary!!! May Mary bless and watch over you today and everyday.

So, I'm on fall break this week and I was trying to think of something to do with my friend Abby. I wanted something that could combine God, being outside, food and talking. I came up with the idea of going to the Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows, so we packed our lunches and headed out for a day of adventure!

I was really excited because I had never been there besides to look at the Christmas light displays (which are fabulous btw). I was looking forward to being able to enjoy the gorgeous weather, with a good friend of mine all while surrounded by Mary awesomeness. What kind of day could be better? I sure couldn't think of anything! :)

Upon arrival we ventured into the vistor center, to grab a map and check out the gift shop, because who can pass up a good Catholic gift shop? I surely can't! I could spend all day in there looking at all the epic Catholic things. But alas, I finally gave in and decided it would be best to head back outside to begin the real adventure, so that is what we did.

The first place we stopped, was the Agony Garden in which was a beautiful statue of Jesus praying fervently. Looking at his face, expecially his eyes was so amazing. They were full of longing, fear and questioning...ahh they were just emotion packed. I could have looked at Jesus all day.

But, that too came to an end and we ventured across the path to the stations. We walked along quietly reflecting on each scene, while testing our knowledge of identifying each station. This was probably one of the first times I actually reflected on the stations, instead of just reading along with the pamphlet. Oh, how awesome this was. While we were relfecting on the stations, I would try to place myself in one of the people's shoes and see what I would be thinking if I was them. It was a powerful experience, and I came to the conclusion that I need to pray the stations more often because it is not only during Lent that I am carrying a cross but rather everyday that I choose to follow Christ I am carrying a cross. So that is a goal of mine, to pray and reflect on the stations on a more regular basis, what that basis is has yet to be decided.

After grabbing lunch, chatting all the while, we jumped right back into our adventure. Next, we visited the Ressurection garden which had a beautiful stone tomb in the middle of it. Then we headed over to the annunciation garden, which had a statue of Mary and the angel Gabriel as well as a reflection pool with bells in it. We arrived there shortly before one o'clock so we decided to stay until one, so we could hear the bells. Oh how you should have seen how we both jumped when they began going off!! I bet the family on the other side of the pool was probably laughing at us, it was pretty funny.

We then walked down some path that went through the woods, which was really awesome, and led to the Lourdes Grotto. I really like this grotto quite a bit, it was just full of awesomeness. There were so many votive bags with prayer requests written on them surrounding the grotto, and candles at the front, you could really tell that many people had a strong devotion to Mary. Since today was the beginning of my consecration novena, I decided to light a candle asking for Mary's protection, guidance and love.

Leaving the grotto, we marched off to visit the hill of Guadalupe. Upon arriving, we noticed some cacti in the landscaping, so being our typical selves we deemed it necessary to touch them. If you've never touched a cacti, they feel pretty weird kind of like foam mixed with something, I'm still trying to figure this out msyelf so if you have any input let me know :) At the hill of Guadalupe, there was of course another marvelous statue and a WATERFALL!! Besides the waterfall, I think my favorite part about this place was the seclusion of it, pratically hidden from the road it was very intimate and peaceful.

All that was left on the map now was the visit the main ampiteather and shrine. We got to the main part and there was a huge statue of Mary it was so beautiful. Then we ventured around to the back, and oh snap there was so many little places of goodness back there!!! We first ventured into the Mary Chapel, which had gorgeous pictures of Mary everywhere and awesome stained glass windows. It was here that I officially began my consecration, and I couldn't have picked a better place without the help of God. Then we headed off to this walkway which had mosaics of Mary, which too were simply amazing. Ooo then we went into this other chapel, which had mosaics of the sorrowful mysteries at the front. They too were amazing, I could have sat there looking at and reflecting on the mysteries all day. Probably one of my favorite places of the whole Shrine. Then we saw this other walkway that had mosaics of Jesus' life, just as awesome as everything else.

It was such a blessed day, full of God and Mary and joy, peace, and love. I'm still working on processing everything that happened, but one thing I know for sure is that I am definitely going back to the Shrine, and hopefully it wont be too long before I do!! If you get the chance, I recommend it completely!! Actually, don't go if you just get the chance, make the time to go! I can guarantee that it will be an amazing experience!!

Apple of His Eye

Today, while on the way to the dry cleaners with a friend God spoke to me. We were listening rather loudly to Matt Maher, a favorite of ours, with the windows down simply enjoying the weather. All of a sudden God whacks me good and hard, in order to open my eyes to a fault that is all too easy to fall into.
The song "Look Like a Fool" came on, and it was through this song that God worked some magic today. I typically only pay attention to the chorus because those are the words I know best and I'm usually singing along, but today I sang along to the chorus and actually LISTENED to the verses. Woah, I know, actually listening to what you are saying....radical idea there.
The second verse opens with the lyrics, "All God's children are the apple of His eye, even the ones we can't stand sometimes." I heard that and in my head was like "woah". That's intense. It made me rerealize just how special each and every one of us are in God's eye. He loves each of us endlessly, no matter what. No conditions. Totally free. As we have learned since we were little kids, we are called to love one another as God loves us. Which means we must love all endlessly, no matter what, no conditions. We can't just love those that it is easiest for us to love, because God loves all of us all the time. We too then must love all people fully, even those who we can't stand sometimes.
Oh, how this is difficult. People can frustrate and anger you so easily sometimes, that you can't even think of loving them. All you can think about is what they have done to you, how you have been hurt....you, you, you....it's all about you. Now stop for a second and think about God. If God thought about these things everytime someone hurt, frustrated, angered, or turned on Him we would all be in big trouble.
Instead, God continues to love us despite our actions towards Him. It is like our actions towards Him do not affect His love towards us in a negative or positive way. His love is a constant stream, always flowing. The boulder we throw into the stream doesn't stop the stream from flowing, the stream simply finds another way around the boudler. We should try and imitate this love, love like a steady stream, towards our fellow man especially when it is difficult.
This won't be easy. Boulders can be quite large sometimes, you may think there is no way you can continue to love this person, but don't give up hope!! You may feel your stream start to run dry and become merely a trickle, but remember that God can do all things. So ask Him to give you love in order that you may give away His love to the person you are finding it difficult to love. If you continue to do this long enough, you will find that soon enough you are no longer giving away the love you asked God to give you, but rather you are giving away your own love.
Soooo, that was a series of random thoughts stemming from those couple lines. I hope this was what someone needed to hear. God Bless. Remember that YOU are God's favorite! :)

Easily Asked, Difficult to Answer

Why is it so easy to take advantage and hurt those closest and dearest to us? Why does it somehow seem better to treat poorly those who we love the most? If someone is so willing to give everything for me, why do I hold on even tighter to what is already mine instead of sharing the goodness with them?

These are some questions that have been rattling around in my head in recent days. They all seem to cut to the core of who we are as people, or atleast this is true for me. It all seems to come down to love. If I could only love perfectly, these questions would not need to be raised for they wouldn't be an issue.

It is easy to hurt those close to us because we know that for the most part, they will take us back and forgive us for what we have done, so we somehow decided that it is okay to hurt them. I'm not sure about everyone, but I know this is both true for my relationship with God as well as others in my life. Since God always forgives us and takes us back as long as we repent sincerely, it makes it difficult not to stray from the straight and narrow. If God will take me back, why not go a little off the path He has made for me so that I can have a little more fun just this one time? Sadly, I do the same thing with my family and friends at times as well. I make a hurtful comment here, a sarcastic remark there, I am not fully present with people. If I could love God, my family and friends more perfectly, I wouldn't desire such things that would hurt or cause them harm. I would do everything I could to stop them for being injured, instead of inflicting pain upon them. So why do I still do this? Because it can feel good at times, and since I am a selfish being, as long as I am feeling good why not do it?

These same principles can be applied to the other questions as well. Or so it seems for me from my experience. Most of the problems I find popping up in my life either have to do with a lack of or imperfection of love and selfish tendencies. If I simply cared less about myself and making myself feel as I want to feel, I would have alot more time to care about how those I love are feeling and doing what needs to be done to make them happy. If I loved everyone wholly, without holding anything back, without exception or limitation life would be everything I could have ever imagined.

Lord, please help all of us to break free from ourselves. Help us to be: Free to love without wondering if we will be loved back. Free to do for others what we wish would be done for us. Free to give of ourselves without counting the costs. Free from all that is holding us back from closer union with You. I ask this in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.