Litany of Truths

From the belief that I am not enough…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that I am loved…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From the belief that all hope is lost…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that You make all things new…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From worrisome control over the future…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that You have a glorious plan for my future…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From seeking my validation in others or what I do…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that You created and see me as good…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From negative self-talk…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the belief that I am worthy of love…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From the belief that I have to do it on my own…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that You long to provide and help me with everything…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From the fear of rejection…Deliver me, Jesus.

With confidence rooted in my beloved daughterhood…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From settling for mediocrity…Deliver me, Jesus.

With a burning desire for intimate union with You…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From guarding against the fullness of joy…Deliver me, Jesus.

With the truth that true hope does not disappoint…Fill me, Jesus.

 

From self-protection…Deliver me, Jesus.

With courage to be vulnerable…Fill me, Jesus.

 

Jesus,

            I humbly come before You today with full confidence that You desire complete restoration and healing for me. I place these petitions at Your feet, to be covered in Your Precious Blood. If there is anything else You would like me to offer You today, please reveal that now. *Period of silence*

            I offer these petitions to You as a trusting child. I submit these requests to Your Most Holy Will, fulfill them as you want to, when You desire to. I believe that You want what is best for me, and I accept however it is that You will answer these petitions.

            I ask that You continue to fill me with Your truth and love throughout this day, especially in moment of weakness and temptation. Help me to always have recourse to Your presence and Spirit, my constant companions.

            I offer this, in faith, through the intercession of Your Blessed Mother Mary for whom You refuse nothing.

            Amen.

Sanctuary

The other night as I was chatting with a friend, I was reminded of a fruit from my silent retreat last summer.

Imagine this: walking into a new church, trying to locate the tabernacle so you know where to genuflect towards. Essentially, where is Jesus? I don’t know if you have had this experience, but it has happened to me many times. If Jesus would just be kept front and center, it would be easy to find Him. No searching necessary. Unfortunately, sometimes He has been placed over to the side or out of the main sanctuary, so we are left searching.

In times like that, when I walk into an unfamiliar church, I look for the soft flicker of the sanctuary lamp. The little red candle that tells me, Jesus is present here. Here He is whom you are looking for. It is almost instinctual, my gut reaction. When my eyes settle on the warm glow, my mind slows, and my heart is at peace. He is here.

Jesus is just as present within me, within you, and your neighbor as He is in every tabernacle. He is present here.

Although I am quick to search for the sanctuary lamp in a new church or chapel, I am quicker to judge and label a new acquaintance, an old friend, a stranger on the street. Dropping them into a category, into a box, because it is easy.

If Jesus is just as present in these individuals, why do I not seek Him out? Why do I not search diligently for Him, for the soft glow of the sanctuary lamp, within each individual I meet until my heart has found Him and can rest? He is there. He is always there, may we never stop seeking.

Leaving Eden

I walked away freely from something I loved dearly—-the first place I felt loved, secure, known, accepted, free all at once. 

Why would one leave such a haven? A place of great joy, refreshment, healing and growth?

Love. 

For me, this is the only answer: 

Love.

I would only give up that Eden experience for Love, with Love, because of Love’s invitation to follow Him wholeheartedly wherever He may lead—-even out of the garden. 

It was difficult at first to accept His invitation, because it only seemed to offer pain, loss and heartache. But as I sat with His invitation, holding it close, I came to see that if I turned down Love’s invitation I would be closing myself off to Love, little by little, and settling for less than the fullness of joy. I knew if I stayed, my garden would eventually wilt and fade away—-so despite the pain of leaving a place of such deep beauty, I knew I needed to follow Love’s invitation to leave the garden.

Pain. Sadness. Shame. Distrust. 

Filled my days.

“Who am I?” became my prayer. 

Isolated. Unknown.

That which once felt so familiar seemed odd, unnatural, awkward. 

I felt shattered, too hurt and afraid to offer the shards of my life to the One who could make a masterpiece from my offering of brokenness. 

Little by little. Piece by piece. 

I’m learning slowly, slowly, slowly to bring each shard—-no matter how jagged or dingy to Love. With Love. For Love.

What He is crafting with the broken pieces—only time will tell. 

A new garden is springing up.

Why do we say "Get behind me satan"? 

Then he will kick our heels and step on the back of our flip-flops. 

I'd rather do the kicking...

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Scared to look within

knowing not what I will find.

Ways I’ve sought

lies I’ve bought

all the damage left behind.

Shame and disgust surround me

Chained by hatred,

weighted

fettered.

I cannot move up from this ground.

Liar, faker, great pretender

the voices echo and resound.

“Who are you to try,

alone you cry

no one can help you now.”

Bound and bruised and weary

failed attempts, brokenness as far as eye can see.

Hope defeated

strength spent

waiting for death to take me.

Pinprick, light, blinding

Confusion, chaos, calm

My eyes were opened

enough to see

You were here all along.

Your love had never left me.

Eyes closed. shut. clamped.

The darkness I though friend.

A protection. Needed.

But wrong was I again.

It was darkness, fear that bound me

That didn’t want me to know

of how in love You sought me

not to scold, chide, correct.

I could not see Your gentle gaze, loving heart

eyes brimming with hope

for healing.

Ready for a restart.

What seemed like foe when I was blind

I must now journey into.

Eyes wide open,

Your hand I’ve chosen

as the weapon by my side.

Litany of Love

Litany of Love

Even when I don’t feel anything----Love

Even when I feel poorly towards another----Love

Even when I don’t see any good----Love

Even when all seems pointless----Love

Even when all appears hopeless----Love

Even when I am hurt----Love  

Even when I am slighted----Love

Even when I seem empty----Love

Even when I get nothing----Love

Even when it is not received----Love

Even when it is unnoticed----Love

Even when it is forgotten----Love

Even when it is betrayed----Love

Even when it is taken advantage of----Love

Even when it is taken for granted----Love

Even when it is unwanted----Love

Even when it seems nothing will help----Love

Even when it seems too far gone----Love

Even when all seems lost----Love

Even when you struggle to be----Love

Especially when it is difficult----Love

Love and Fear

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears in not yet perfect in love." ~ 1 John 4:18

People who fear have not accepted or do not like a possible consequence of an action or lack of action they have/are thinking about taking. While love on the other hand welcomes anything that will come. It does not worry about what may happen, but trusts that God will make all things work for good of those who love Him.

Love is concerned less about what will or may happen and more concerned about what is happening now! Fear lives in the unknown of the futures, while love lives in the reality of the present.

The present is where we are now, the only thing that we have any influence over. So, as love, we too should strive to live in the present and not the future, as fear does. Live in Love, and He will live in you.